3 Tips to Guarantee You Get Your Sh*t Together

Often times, I will meet with people in consult calls or therapy sessions, who earnestly want to get their sh*t together for good. They will sigh an exasperated sigh and say, “I’m so tired of dealing with this, I don’t want to have to think about this ever again.”

I get it. I don’t have to imagine how frustrating it must be to want to make a change so desperately and feel hopeless, helpless, and powerless to do anything about it because I’ve been there.

“I can’t stop overeating and I hate it. It’s not what I want to be doing, but I can’t stop it”

“If only I could stop scrolling on my phone, I would be able to do the things I actually enjoy.”

“I’m so hard on myself, it’s so uncomfortable, but not matter what I can’t stop thinking this way.”

Setting goals related to self-improvement are often approached differently from any other type of goal. We’re socialized to think if we are frustrated enough, fed up enough, or want something enough then we can surely change it overnight.

It make sense we feel this way. We’re socialized by thinly veiled capitalist promises that the purchase of Beach and Beyond will change 👏 your 👏 life.  From a business perspective, this is genius. The more products fail people, the more programs sell out.  Business relies on self-improvement to be deeply personal and inherently shameful, otherwise the public would see right through these thinly veiled capitalist motives.

We’re going to visit December 31, 1999, my earliest memory of New Year’s Eve, I overheard my parents and their friends talking about New Year’s Resolutions:

“Diet starts tomorrow! I want to lose weight before my trip to Mexico”

“Better enjoy these cigarettes tonight ‘cause starting tomorrow, no more smokes” 

“I’m going to stop spending my free time on the computer and train for that 5K race I’ve been talking about”

That night I learned the lesson, like many others, that New Year Resolutions seem to promise that tomorrow everything will be different, you will wake up feeling and behaving in a new way based on one statement of intention the night before.

Perhaps this isn’t a total myth, there is something to be said about temporal landmarks, that refer to the start of a new year, month, or week, that suggests aligning your pursuit of a goal with these markers can be effective.

However, many times when we rely solely on one factor like the start of a new year to continue to stoke motivation and discipline to change our lives, we may be left with a disappointing outcome.

Alternatively, imagine you want to travel to Europe. You would likely make a budget, research the weather and the best time of year to visit, the destinations or attractions, purchase new clothing, plane tickets and lodging. You would also ensure things were handled at home during your trip; time off from work, a pet sitter, and someone to drive you to and from the airport.

No matter how much you want to go to Europe, you won’t get there without taking care of business at home, planning out how you will get there, and how you will spend your time once you arrive.

Goals related to self-improvement are the same way. Regardless of how frustrated you are with your current patterns, how badly you want to change, or how many times you’ve tried to make the change, you won’t be successful without these 3 steps:

Step 1: Take Care of Business at Home (The Pre-Departure Checklist)

Before you can begin to walk the European cobblestone paths, you need to make sure everything at home is in order. This isn't just about packing your bags; it's about setting the stage for a smooth departure and a worry-free return.

For Your Self-Improvement Goal:

  • Begin with an honest self-assessment: What areas of your life need attention? What skills do you want to acquire? What habits do you want to break or form? This is your "passport check" for your inner world.

  • Be realistic with a Resource Audit: Do you have the time, energy, and mental space for this new endeavor? Do you need to delegate tasks, adjust your schedule, or learn new time management strategies? This is like ensuring your "financials" are in order for your growth journey.

  • Mindset Preparation: Are you mentally ready for the challenge? Have you identified potential roadblocks or excuses? Just as you’d secure your home, you need to secure your resolve.

Step 2: Planning Out How You Will Get There (Your Travel Itinerary & Route)

Getting to Europe requires a clear plan of action, from booking flights to knowing your transit options.

For Your Self-Improvement Goal:

  • Define Your Destination (Specific Goal): Instead of "get fit," aim for "run a 5k in 12 weeks." Instead of "learn a new language," focus on "have a 10-minute conversation in French by December." Be as specific as possible.

  • Break It Down (Milestones/Short-term Goals): Just as you’d plan out your daily itinerary in Paris, break your large goal into smaller, manageable steps. If you want to write a book, your milestones might be "outline chapters," "write 500 words daily," etc.

  • Identify Your "Vehicles" (Strategies & Tools): What resources will help you get there? Online courses, books, mentors, accountability partners, new habits, specific apps – these are your "flights and trains" to success.

Step 3: How You Will Spend Your Time Once You Arrive (Making the Most of Your Experience)

Arriving in Europe is just the beginning. The real magic happens in how you choose to spend your days – exploring, learning, and immersing yourself in new experiences.

For Your Self-Improvement Goal:

  • Execute Your Plan (Consistent Action): This is where the rubber meets the road. If your goal is to learn to code, this means consistently dedicating time to coding exercises. If it’s about better sleep, it means adhering to your new bedtime routine.

  • Adapt and Adjust (Troubleshooting & Learning): Just as you might reroute if a museum is closed, be prepared to adjust your approach if something isn't working. Learn from setbacks and iterate on your strategies.

  • Celebrate Small Wins & Reflect: Don't wait until you've reached the "summit" to celebrate. Acknowledge every small step forward – mastering a new concept, sticking to a habit for a week, completing a challenging task. This is like savoring that perfect espresso or stunning sunset.

So, as you daydream about your next grand adventure – whether it’s exploring the Amalfi Coast or mastering a new skill – remember that the journey of self-improvement is just as rewarding, and the roadmap for both is surprisingly similar. Start taking care of business at home, map out your route, and then dive in with enthusiasm.

Professional therapeutic support can be pivotal is helping explore the purpose of the behaviors you want to change, so you can more effectively understand how the behaviors giving you grief are serving you. Once we understand this purpose, it is easier to engage in realistic goal setting and feel more in control of your behaviors. Get your sh*t together in a free video consultation call today

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