How to Guarantee You Get Your Sh*t Together: A Therapist’s Guide
Have you ever desperately wanted to change something about your life, only to feel completely hopeless about it?
You might tell yourself, "I’m so tired of dealing with this, I don’t want to have to think about it ever again." It's a feeling I've heard countless times from clients during our initial sessions, whether it's about overeating, mindlessly scrolling on their phone, or being overly critical of themselves. The desire for a breakthrough is powerful, yet the path to lasting change often feels impossible.
When we set goals for ourselves, we often approach them differently from other projects. We expect that being frustrated or "fed up" will be enough to change our lives overnight. This belief is fueled by a capitalist culture that promises instant transformation with the purchase of a product. From a business perspective, it's genius: the more a product fails, the more people look for the next one. This system relies on us feeling shame, which prevents us from seeing the thinly veiled motives behind the promises. But what if we looked at self-improvement not as a series of quick fixes but as a major life project—like planning a trip to Europe?
Your Trip to Europe: A Metaphor for Getting Your Sh*t Together
Imagine you want to travel to Europe. You wouldn’t just wish for it and expect to wake up there. You would make a budget, research destinations, book flights and lodging, and handle things at home, like getting time off work or finding a pet sitter. You understand that the desire to go to Europe isn't enough; you need a concrete plan. The same is true for your self-improvement tips.
Regardless of how badly you want to change, you won't be successful without these three steps, which mirror a travel itinerary.
Step 1: Take Care of Business at Home (The Pre-Departure Checklist)
Before your daydreams of European cobblestone paths whisk you away, you need to make sure everything at home is in order: book the pet sitter, request time off, secure a ride to the airport, etc. For your self-improvement goal, this means starting with a realistic self-assessment.
Level Up Your Journaling: Identify which areas of your life need attention. What patterns would like to break or form? This is your "passport check" for your inner world.
Resource Audit: Do you have the time, energy, and mental space for this new endeavor? Do you need to delegate tasks or adjust your schedule? This is like ensuring your "financials" are in order for your growth journey.
Preparation: Identify potential roadblocks or excuses. Anticipating barriers is one of the most effective ways to make a change. This builds confidence by navigating obstacles that you already know exist and take the edge off of the uncertainty of trying something new. Just as you’d secure your home, you need to secure your resolve
Step 2: Planning Out How You Will Get There (Your Travel Itinerary & Route)
Getting to Europe requires a clear plan of action, from booking flights to knowing your transit options. For your self-improvement goal, this means defining your destination and breaking it down.
Define Your Goal: Instead of "get fit," aim for "run a 5k in 12 weeks." Be as specific as possible.
Break It Down: Just as you’d plan out your daily itinerary in Paris, break your large goal into smaller, manageable steps. Smaller wins along the way will stoke your momentum toward your larger goal/
Identify Your "Vehicles": What resources will help you get there? Online courses, books, or an accountability partner are your "flights and trains" to success.
Step 3: How You Will Spend Your Time Once You Arrive (Making the Most of Your Experience)
Arriving in Europe is just the beginning. The real magic happens in how you choose to spend your days—exploring, learning, and immersing yourself in new experiences.
Execute Your Plan: This is where the hard work begins. Consistent, dedicated action is what turns your plan into reality.
Adapt and Adjust: Just as you might reroute if a museum is closed, be prepared to adjust your approach if something isn't working. Learn from setbacks and iterate on your strategies.
Celebrate Small Wins & Reflect: Acknowledge every small step forward, whether it’s sticking to a new habit for a week or completing a challenging task. This is like savoring that perfect espresso or stunning sunset.
So, as you daydream about your next grand adventure, remember that the journey of self-improvement is just as rewarding. You have to handle the small details, map out your route, and then dive in with enthusiasm. This approach makes "adulting" feel less overwhelming and much more achievable. Professional therapeutic support can also be pivotal in helping you explore the purpose of the behaviors you want to change, so you can more effectively understand how they are serving you. Once we understand this purpose, it is easier to engage in realistic goal setting and feel more in control of your behaviors.
Professional therapeutic support can be pivotal is helping explore the purpose of the behaviors you want to change, so you can more effectively understand how the behaviors giving you grief are serving you. Once we understand this purpose, it is easier to engage in realistic goal setting and feel more in control of your behaviors. Get your sh*t together in a free video consultation call today
