4 Signs It’s Time to Break Up with Your Therapist
Therapy is a valuable tool for facilitating personal growth, healing, and self-awareness. When matched with the right therapist, you can uncover patterns, process trauma, and navigate life’s toughest transitions. But what happens when therapy starts to feel like a dead end? Just like any other relationship, the one you have with your therapist needs to work for you—and sometimes, it doesn’t.
Many of my clients come to me with horror stories about their previous experiences in therapy. Although I’ve learned to avoid words like “always” and “never” since I became a therapist, I feel comfortable saying these horror stories are never the client’s fault. It takes an immense amount of courage to reach out to a therapist and while you do your best to determine if it’s a match, it can be hard to detect red flags during a 15- minute consult call.
Here are four signs it might be time to break up with your therapist.
1. You Don’t Feel Heard or Understood
One of the first things I learned in graduate school for social work is that the therapeutic relationship is more important than any technical modality. While it is important your therapist is skilled in addressing the issues with which you’re struggling, effective therapy is feeling seen, heard, and understood.
If you leave sessions feeling dismissed, judged, or worse—more confused than when you walked in—it’s a red flag. A therapist doesn’t have to agree with you all the time (in fact, growth often involves challenge), but you should feel that they get where you're coming from and are working with you, not just at you.
Read more here about what to do when you’re not vibing with your therapist
Red flag phrases:
“You’re overreacting.”
“That’s not a big deal.”
Or they simply talk more than they listen.
2. You’re Not Making Progress—or You’re Going in Circles
Therapy is often not linear, but if you’ve been working with the same therapist for months (or even years) and are still stuck in the same patterns with no new insights or tools, it might be time for a change. Often times issues arise when a provider is working outside of their scope of practice. It is 100% the provider’s responsibility to be transparent and identify when they are outside of their scope of practice, but unfortunately, it doesn’t always happen. It can be helpful to ask specific questions about a prospective therapist’s experience treating your presenting symptoms.
Read more here about what to do when you feel stuck in therapy
A well-matched therapist will:
Help you set specific goals
Reassess those goals as you evolve
Adjust their approach based on your feedback
3. You Feel Dependent on Them
One purpose of therapy is to empower you to function well outside the therapeutic space. If you feel like you can’t make any decisions without your therapist’s input, or if your therapist seems to encourage that dependency, that’s a problem.
Read more here about how to detect if you are becoming dependent on therapy
Signs of unhealthy dependence include:
Feeling anxious between sessions
Needing constant validation from them
Feeling like they have all the answers and you have none
Remember the goal of therapy is self-trust!
4. The Relationship Feels Stagnant—or Uncomfortable
Maybe you’ve outgrown the therapist. Maybe your needs have shifted. Maybe it’s time to take a break from therapy. Sometimes effective therapy leads to these changes and it naturally becomes time to move on. It is both the responsibility of the therapist and the client to observe these shifts and make decisions about the treatment plan.
You are allowed to outgrow your therapist. Therapy is a service you’re paying for, and if it’s no longer meeting your needs, it’s okay to move on.
Important note: There are instances where it makes sense to provide feedback for your provider and allow for the relationship to grow to meet your needs, however, if your therapist crosses ethical lines—like disclosing too much about their own life, flirting, or violating confidentiality—that is an immediate dealbreaker.
Review complete National Association of Social Work (NASW) Code of Ethics here
How to Break Up Respectfully
It doesn’t have to be dramatic. You can say something like:
“I really appreciate our time together. I’m feeling like I need a different direction or approach, so I’m going to take a break or explore another therapist. Thank you for your support so far.”
Most therapists will understand. And if they don’t? That just confirms you made the right decision.
Final Thoughts
Advocating for yourself or ending a therapeutic relationship can feel awkward or scary, whether you’ve been relying on the space or you’re brand new. It’s important to remember that your growth and mental health comes first. You are not responsible for your therapist’s feelings. The right therapist will challenge you, support you, and evolve with you. If that’s not what you’re getting, it’s okay to say goodbye—and find someone who is the right match for you.
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